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SORRY MOM & DAD: I swear I don’t have an eating disorder
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SORRY MOM & DAD: I slept with a whale at The Woodlands
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SORRY MOM & DAD: Unpaid parking tickets are like herpes
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SORRY MOM & DAD: The single white female story
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SORRY MOM & DAD: How to deal
Am I the only who wishes there was some sort of instruction manual on how to deal with life? Sure, there’s trips to stuff your face at Old Country Buffet, binge-drinking and dancing your flat ass off...
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SORRY MOM AND DAD: The 250th column
One of the most polite things a person can do is send a thank you note. Now that I’ve published 250 columns, I realized it’s time to reach out to my fans and thank them for following my journey of...
View ArticleSORRY MOM & DAD: Why Paul Blart can eat my fart
Everyone in their 20s has that one year where it seems everybody they ever did a keg stand with or almost got pregnant gets married. For me, that year was when I was 25. I had five weddings within one...
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SORRY MOM & DAD: Drag queen in a high chair
Dear Mom & Dad, I never really got along with the kids at my college television station. For starters, their idea of a wild Friday night out was a road trip to Walmart to search through the $5...
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SORRY MOM & DAD: My night with Donald Trump and Rosie O’Donnell’s dumpster baby
My life is erratically different than the life of my peers who work in local media. Jasmine Brooks, the morning anchor on WBRE, just got engaged. Amanda, from 98.5 KRZ, announced recently that she’s...
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SORRY MOM & DAD: The girl who had her senior pics taken at Taco Bell taught...
Dear Mom & Dad, I have a new hero. She’s 17 years old. Before you alert the authorities, please note there’s nothing sexual about my admiration for this underage girl. I’m a lot of things, but I’m...
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SORRY MOM & DAD: I caused an overweight girl named Moose to throw a vacuum at me
College is back in session, and I can’t help but be reminded that I’m not in college any more. When I’m splurging on my $3 six-inch Spicy Italian sub at Subway during my lunch break, wondering what...
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SORRY MOM & DAD: No sleep till (I leave) Brooklyn
My friend Xavier had finally gotten off probation, so we wanted to celebrate outside of the Pennsylvania border. We decided to get crazy for one night in Brooklyn. What was supposed to be a night of...
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SORRY MOM & DAD: 21 Things we all say when we wake up with a hangover
I discovered the secret for curing hangovers. It’s not hydrating before your drink, eating pickles before you go to bed, or eating Asian pears, as some myths popularly suggest. The cure for a hangover...
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SORRY MOM & DAD: I’m getting too old for Netflix and chill
I’m getting too old for Netflix and chill. I want Amazon Prime and commitment. Don’t get it twisted, there’s nothing wrong with a Netflix and chill session. Who isn’t game for getting your nipples...
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SORRY MOM & DAD: Call me Caitlyn — but just for Halloween
Now that I know Bernie Sanders owns more than one pair of underwear, I can sleep at night. The same is unlikely to be said for my parents when they find out I might dress as Caitlyn Jenner for...
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SORRY MOM & DAD: George Schirra has bandanas you need in your life
I just want marijuana to be legalized already so I can quit my job and sell weed on Etsy. Sorry, Mom and Dad. For those who aren’t familiar, Etsy is an online marketplace where people around the world...
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SORRY MOM & DAD: Why does everybody love Anna Kendrick?
I’m probably alone with this thought, but I’ll say it anyway. Why does everybody love Anna Kendrick? I just don’t get it. I mean I have to admit she seemed pretty relatable when she appeared on “Billy...
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Sorry Mom and Dad: 5 stages of getting laid off
Getting laid off can suck some serious big floppy donkey dick, but it happens to a lot of people. It’s only normal to feel buried in a superabundance of emotions after hearing: “Your position has been...
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Sorry Mom & Dad: I’d rather spend Thanksgiving in Paris
My brother is coming in from Iowa for Thanksgiving and bringing his pregnant girlfriend who I don’t care for. He lives in The Hawkeye State for work. I can’t remember what he does. He’s either an...
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Sorry Mom & Dad: If I was president
Love him or hate him, Donald Trump is America’s obsession. I guess after Obama proved a black man can finally get in to the White House, it’s time to prove even someone like Trump can grow up to be...
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